The Mind of a Hospital Parent

Terri and I have surpassed the guilt of thinking we did something to cause Matthew’s condition. Genetic testing and assurances from doctors have put those feelings to rest. I took Terri out today to the Cheesecake Factory to sedate ourselves with the calming influence of chocolate and cheesecake. As I took my second or third bite (who really counts when you are eating cheesecake?) I began to feel guilty that I was, even for a moment, enjoying a diversion from grim reality while my son was back at the hospital experiencing that same reality. Guilt is strange.
When we exit Matthew’s isolation room there is a family just outside the door. I try to always smile and say hello to everyone around me. I often see the mother and father studying me. I think to myself, “Am I smiling or laughing too much for their taste or are they thinking I’m an inspiration?” have they seen us walk from Matthew’s room crying? Do they think we are much worse off than they are because Matthew is isolated? Their daughter has the same type of chest bandage that Matthew had so I’ll talk to them and see if we have something else in common.